Parking Lot Work

Sometimes upping the challenge helps.

Parking Lot Work.

Sometimes I need to do the "work" *in* the parking lot. While this might seem like tempting fate, haha, I've found it to be incredibly powerful. Sometimes the __[God/Mystery/Love]__-shaped hole in my heart seems to be in the shape of a bottle of wine. I generally don't keep wine laying around. I think I *want* it, that it will meet a need, comfort me, satisfy me, console me, allow my tear ducts to open, numb me...

Sometimes it's easy to recognize the hole isn’t wine-shaped and move on.

No wine was harmed in the making of this photo… but for real, the apparent discoloration is due to how I use this bottle. Long ago I turned it into an incense burner, so that’s ash at the bottom and soot at the top. This brand of wine is actually tasty (in my experience) and the color is true to wine.

Sometimes, however, the nagging lingers, and try as I might to *feel* the hole in my heart, I struggle. In those moments, time-willing, I have found surprising alchemy in driving to the store to sit in the parking lot, in giving myself permission to get that close to making a purchase possible. It’s almost a challenge to myself: "Fine, Mar, go to the damn store and get the damn bottle!"

And once in the parking lot, the real wrestling begins. Somehow it opens a door to experience more fully the feelings that previously seemed elusive. And once I've *felt*, I can make a clearer decision. So far it's been a resounding 'not now, not this time'.

I'm not opposed to drinking. I just try to be in relationship with the "why" and keep it as healthy as possible. Healthy is subjective, and being in the parking lot might be too much for some. <3 No judgment here.

What do you do to open your feeling channels? Do you ever feel emotion "stuck"/trapped somehow?